Discover here the sexual differences between them and them

Our body is designed to respond differently to the stimuli that invite us to connect. In this article you will learn how to exploit those differences to your advantage.

It doesn't happen to you that, when you have sex , many times you feel that each one goes at a different pace. And then you see your partner very excited, when you just start to warm up. Or on the contrary, you think that the party is starting, when your partner is already in free fall.

It is completely normal for it to happen . The truth is that achieving the perfect rhythm of rise and fall of desire and satisfaction can be complicated if we do not know the different sexual responses that women and men have, which are part of our body's natural response and it is a matter of learning to recognize them. and understand them to use them favorably in our relationships.

There is a book (best seller) entitled "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus", which refers to the differences that exist between the two groups. And it's true! Beyond the complications of our relationships, our bodies naturally also respond differently to sexual stimuli.

Although we have many coincidences , it is worth stopping to review these differences, to recognize them and so that they do not become a reason for dissatisfaction in our relationships. On the contrary, the objective is that we can learn to ignite the sexual desire of both, simultaneously or as close as possible, always thinking of achieving the satisfaction of both.

5 Stages to reach the Top

The sexual response is the changes that happen in our body , mind and emotions when we participate in sexually stimulating activities, such as sexual intercourse with our partner or during masturbation.

It consists of several phases that are not automatic , since a constant flow of arousal and stimulation is required to go from one phase to another.

Let's get to know the 4 phases of the sexual response originally described . And then, we also consider it important to include a fifth stage added by some scholars on the subject:

1. I wish:

It is a "mental" phase, since to have sexual desire, you have to be interested, motivated, think about it, be curious and want it. As simple as this: if you don't know it, you haven't heard of it, you haven't smelled it, you haven't tried it or you've never seen a CHOCOLATE, for example, how can you want it?

2. Arousal:

After feeling desire and being mentally connected to the subject, the brain sends you messages that produce changes in your body, which are involuntary and indicate the beginning of arousal. It can last from several minutes to many hours and the most important changes are:

IN WOMEN

• Breathing accelerates and your heart rate increases , that is, your heart beats faster and your muscles tense, which is why you get goosebumps or the hairs on your arms stand up.
• Your nipples may also swell and become erect.
• There is more blood in your genitals , which makes the clitoris swollen and feels much more sensitive to the touch.
• The skin may blush or look somewhat red.
• The vagina becomes moist, because the lubrication begins.
• The labia majora of your vagina open and grow.

IN THE MAN

• Her breathing quickens, as well as her heart rate and muscle tension , just like in women.
• The penis becomes erect and begins to secrete a lubricating fluid.
• His testicles enlarge, the scrotum or skin tightens, and the genitals usually darken from the influx of blood.
• Her nipples also become erect.

3. Plateau:

If the arousal and stimuli persist, the phase changes intensify, to give way to some new changes and you are practically a jump away from orgasm:

1. In women , the clitoris becomes so sensitive that it can even be painful and hides in its hood.
2. The man secretes more precum (so called thanks to the work of Cowper's glands). This substance may contain sperm. In parallel, the testicles become more tense.
3. In both cases (men and women) : breathing is faster and spasms can occur in the hands and feet, that is why you can see that repetitive movement that can be very curious.

4. Orgasm:

It is the phase in which all accumulated sexual tensions are released . Each person lives it differently. It is more intense, but it does not last as long as the other phases of arousal. It usually lasts between 2 and 10 seconds. It happens when the feeling of fullness peaks and is released.

• IN WOMEN , there are often involuntary contractions that are felt from the genitals, uterus, and anus. They are accompanied by a great feeling of pleasure, you can experience and describe them in different ways: like a cramp, an explosion or relief.
• THE MAN expels the semen, accompanied by an intense sensation of pleasure. In them, the orgasm usually coincides with ejaculation, however, it must be considered that it is not the same, since there can be a male orgasm without ejaculation.
• IN BOTH CASES, breathing and heart rate are at maximum, spasm or movement of the feet may persist, and a flush or red color may appear on the skin all over the body.

5. Resolution:

There is a feeling of relaxation throughout the body , indicating a return to normal state. Blood leaves the genital area, the genitals return to their original size and position, breathing calms down, and blood pressure returns to its normal level.

• IN MEN , after orgasm, a time passes ( refractory period ) during which he is not capable of having another orgasm.
• THE WOMAN , on the other hand, can reach another orgasm if she is stimulated again.

4 answers that differentiate us

You already know the different stages of the sexual response, now we are going to delve into some of the differences that occur between men and women to activate ourselves before an erotic stimulus:

1st. Difference: Being happy with 1, 2, 3 or none

Women can have 3 types of sexual response and men only one. Know the 3 types of sexual responses that a woman can have:

1. Sexual response without orgasm : when you do not have orgasms, but you feel satisfied when you finish sexual intercourse.
2. Mono-orgasmic sexual response: when you have a single orgasm. This case is very similar to the male sexual response.
3. Multi-orgasmic sexual response : you can have a second orgasm and so on until it ends (and the resolution phase arrives), when you feel fully satisfied.

It should be noted that, as a woman, you can experience any of the 3 situations, even if you have only experienced one sexual response in your entire life.

The question that experts ask is that the reasons that trigger one or another sexual response in women are unknown. Neither the arousal, nor the place, nor the couple nor the ovulatory cycle seem to be decisive when it comes to having a certain type of sexual response.

2nd. Difference: The previous warm-up

The arousal phase is usually slower for women , unlike men who tend to have a very fast arousal phase. That is why it is vital that the man lasts longer in foreplay to warm up the woman and give a chance for the sexual response of both to occur more or less at the same time.

It is also important that the woman cares about knowing her body and its response, so that she can communicate effectively with her partner and tell him how she likes it, where she likes it and how intensely she wants to be touched. Thanks to this alignment of the couple, in 90% of the time women can enjoy sexual intercourse more.

3rd. Difference: Relaxed vs Activated

After orgasm, the man usually feels sleepy and tired , while the woman can become active. This happens due to the discharge of hormones that occurs in our body in this resolution phase.

That is why we often see the case of men who want sex at night because it helps them relax and fall asleep. Whereas, women tend to want sex in the morning because it activates them to take on the challenges of the day.

This situation also helps us understand why men are not very talkative or do not answer our questions and caresses after sex, while we are already planning life together and the anniversary dinner.

4th. difference: nothing stops them

The man has a certain capacity to separate himself from daily problems and that the anxiety produced does not affect his sexual response (so they can have sex regardless of the surrounding circumstances); while women have more problems when it comes to managing anxiety and worries, which affect our desire to have sexual relations.

The importance of talking

In conclusion, to feel sexually fulfilled we have to know our body well , our preferences and talk to our partners, express our likes and concerns, negotiate and agree, because at the end of the road, everything will translate into satisfaction and happiness for both of us. . We must also understand that we must give privacy a space and time so that it is not relegated to the background of our lives.

It is your responsibility to combat the lack of desire that often attacks us and is a recurring reason in our consultations. But this is another important topic, which we will surely address in another post.

Tell us how your sexual response is going!

Fountain:

• Dr. Sofia Herrera
• Dr. Klara Senior
• ethospsicologos.es
• amf-semfyc.com
• coruna.gal