Widowhood: mourning and a new sexuality

When your sentimental partner dies it is a devastating experience, life takes a tumultuous turn that forces you to accept many unexpected or unwanted changes, but time passes, life goes on and everyone forgets the personal needs of those who he stays alone Sexuality becomes a taboo subject and many women feel guilty just thinking about resuming their sexuality. But is that fair? In this article we will address it.

According to the World Health Organization, the COVID-19 pandemic has worsened the situation in recent months with devastating human loss, and one that is likely leaving tens of thousands of women newly widowed just at the moment they are seen. deprived of their usual socioeconomic and family support. Within all the associated implications, the sexual and reproductive health of widows may be neglected.

In this complicated world panorama, the so-called Sexual Mourning continues to be " a mourning without rights, which is not openly recognized, which society disapproves of and which is not shared publicly ", as Linda Simkin and Alice Radosh, a neuropsychologist who went through this experience at age 75 and documented it in a report.

Carmen is living it. She is 60 years old, has been widowed this year and wrote to us privately at #TuSaludIntima asking for advice on the situation. That is why we decided to write these tips and collect some considerations for all the widows who follow us:

The emotional factor

Many widows may feel guilty thinking about their sexuality. That is why they do not discuss the loss of sexual intimacy with friends or mental health professionals because they feel that they are being unfaithful, that they are betraying their deceased partner or questioning the love they had for him.

A SexCoaching session with the #TuSaludIntima specialists is a good option to be able to talk with a professional who doesn't judge you, but listens to you and helps you understand the moment and the feelings you're experiencing. In addition, it can give you many tips to resume your intimate life.

Give yourself some time to fall in love again. It is normal and common that you want to have someone by your side, who makes you feel protected as before. However, it is also true that not all men want commitment, so it is essential that you give yourself some time to analyze the relationship and decide when the time is right for intimacy.

Nothing is written in a contract! Do not feel forced to have sex because others tell you that it is time to recover your intimate life. The moment is up to you. If you're not convinced, being sexually or romantically involved with someone without really wanting to can lead you to feel hurt or used.

If you decided to start a new love relationship, remember that the most important thing is to be clear about who you are now and what you want in your future life, respecting your body and putting your female health on the priority list.

The physical factor

The desire:

Many have the false belief that seniors do not have a sexual life. Nothing further from reality! This can be a very active stage, since with maturity, women feel more confident in their bodies, better know their needs and preferences, and have the opportunity to have more established partners than many young men.

But there is also the case of women who, after being widowed, have managed to find a new stable partner or want to venture into a relationship, but the desire is not present because of everything that goes through their brain, or because of the same physical consequences that they happen in our body with menopause and other factors related to our hormonal system.

In these cases, we always recommend reviewing your eating habits, resuming exercise, visiting the doctor to check that everything is running smoothly and if that is the case, you can try a dose of LibiZenzs , our libido booster designed to help you regain hormonal balance. and awaken libido naturally.

The self-exploration:

There are several ways to stimulate desire naturally, starting by thinking more about sex and reminding our brain that it has a key role in our sexuality. You can read erotic literature , listen to music that seems flirtatious and provocative to you, remember those moments that turned you on in the past.

And practice self-exploration to remember those erogenous zones that turn you on. In our blog we have an article specially dedicated to guide you in this task, which will surely be very helpful.

In short, we must dedicate time and love to our sexuality and assume our personal role in reactivating that important part of our personal well-being.

changes in your body

Vaginal dryness can affect your new relationship, so it is advisable that you have a quality intimate gel on hand that can combat its consequences. We always recommend that you choose a gel that is produced with a water base, without oil, without perfume, without glycerin, that nourishes your tissues by having high concentrations of hyaluronic acid, that you can use daily to care for the acidic pH of that area, avoiding infections. And help you maintain optimal hydration levels. In addition to regenerating tissue that may be damaged by the natural friction of sexual activity. The #Zenzsual gel meets these characteristics and you can get it on our website TuSaludIntima.com

Additionally, always remember to avoid excessive sugar consumption that exposes you to infections, prefer cotton underwear, do not do vaginal washings or introduce ovules without medical indication. And don't use soap on your genitals, instead look for products specially created for cleaning your intimate area, such as the Zenzsual cleansing foam .

The new couple:

You have to take into account that you are in the presence of someone who has just arrived in your life , with a past on his back, a personal reality and expectations that you must know, to avoid disappointment.

It is essential that you follow the same recommendations that you give to your children: inquire into their sexual past and medical history, and most importantly, use a condom during moments of intimacy to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

And in bed do not fall into hateful comparisons with the person who is no longer there. Rather, give yourself the opportunity to surprise and be surprised with her displays of sensuality and take the time to get to know her body and lovingly tell her the things you like to do and the things you prefer to avoid.

Communication is key to the success of any relationship!

Think that, if you had to become a widow, what is truly fair is to continue with your life in the best possible way, with the new conditions that you have in front of you. Because just like before, it is your duty to try to be happy. And to achieve this, you must go out and find that balance between your physical and mental well-being, next to the people you love and who love you as you deserve; and sexuality is one of the few experiences in life that are meant to bring you pleasure.

Follow us on social networks as @tusaludintima @tu_ginecologa and @doctoraklarasenior, and write to us that we will gladly answer those questions about your sexuality and your feminine health, which come suddenly when you are widowed.

FOUNTAIN:

• Dr. Klara Senior @doctoraklarasenior
• Dr. Sofía Herrera @tu_ginecologa
• United Nations - Widows Day
• aarp.org